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Rants
Lately, I have wondered why I keep a small (but growing) collection of rants on my website. I get thirty or forty people to my website, but they almost assuredly come for cheats on Evolva (a game which I excel at, to the point of supremacy). I do not write these rants to appeal to my readers, nor do I write them out of any professional obligation.
When I write one of my rants, or ramblings, my main purpose is just to straighten out some ideas I have in my head. Most of the time these are not happy thoughts (as though tend to straighten themselves out). I think a lot, almost constantly. Sometimes I find that when reading, I will start thinking of something, realize I'm not reading and then see that my eyes have moved down half the page (or a full page if it's an interesting thought, or boring book). Rarely do these rogue thoughts cause me to shout out "Eureka!" or come up with anything nearly as useful as Archimedes' Principle (perhaps if I had a great bath in which to think …). The 'net serves as a great receptacle of my thoughts, many of which mere mortals have trouble understanding, and allows me to think through these vague ideas I have. In thinking through these ideas, I can delve deeper into my own psyche and figure out what I'm really thinking. The act of ranting is something like a cyber-shrink, a therapeutic experience. Not only are these thoughts forever kept for the posterity (atleast until my computer crashes, hard, and the server crashes as well) but I can also talk without boring my friends who come up with the same answers that I would if I listen to reason and truth.
Even if I don't really care what my readers think of my work, they seem to like it. The only feedback I receive is from close friends who both know my website address and either email address or instant message screen name. I suppose these guys have a similar outlook on many things in life as I do, for, as much as I hate to admit it, we're all teenage guys and sociologists and psychologists would have us believe that our attitudes are not all that different. Still, I assume for the most part, that people like these are my audience. Most of them are probably in school, and most of them are probably guys. I may start taking requests for rants, I'm sure to get some topics I'd think of, and even some I wouldn't.
After reading some of the essay's and rants from people on the internet, I have to assume they do not share the same motives and motivations that I do. From the ascorbic tone, and copious amounts of expletives and indecent insinuations, it seems like some people believe that someone, nay, everyone, cares about what they say and think. The only thing that such writing (if one can call it that) changes is my regard for that person or group (computer gamers whine a lot). The more sophisticated people seem to try to persuade others. Often times they are quite good, both in style and content, unless they bash my cherished ideas and truths. I try not to believe in much too fervently and I try to keep an open mind, but sometimes people (gamers and fundies [fundamentalists] especially) annoy me. I usually disregard these writings and move on. While I try to ignore the ensuing flame-war which is sure to follow any controversial or expletive-replete post, when an attack is made on my character, I usually respond. My medium is a little different, in that I run a website whereas many of the 'nets denizens propagandize on newsgroups and message boards. No one has yet expressed any sort of rage or indignant. Even if I don't care if people like my rants, I'd like the public to not hate me. For some reason, I truly want everyone to like me (or at least not hate me) and I'd like everyone to be happy.
Maybe the rants keep me happy. It's easier to type these thoughts than to talk to a person about them, and sometimes I don't really need to talk, only to have an outlet. If my sole purpose is to work through my feelings, it only matters what I think of them and not what others do.
Classic Steve
The following is basically my first "rant" on my website. It tooke me thirty minutes to write, includes some nice wording and style, and captures my voice. I was very proud of it at the time, and I measure my other 'net writings against it.
Schools these days are not preparing children to into the job market, they're keeping them out of it. I know full well that in one year's time, productively spent at Interplay, Westwood, Squaresoft, Electronic Arts, Nintendo, or any such company, I could be as skilled and productive as most people there. However, in one years time I will have completed many assignments in school, most (99.9%) will be thrown away after the folder check or in, most cases, before. The skills I have (see my other pages) are not taught in school because what is taught must be fitted into a cookie-cutter education for millions in the country, thousands in the district, many in the school, and not for me. I can convey my thoughts, I can survive in the world (probably), and I can read write and figure big numbers in my head (Pre-cal in 9th grade, that's two years ahead, three for some). Maybe I can't name all the symbolism and puns (ohh, there are some beautiful ones) in Romeo and Juliet which we are reading in class but given a chance, I would read it, I would seek out other who have read it, and I would be greater because of it. Maybe school has taught me where to put commas (here) but these details (the atomic weight of 117 on the periodic table for instance, by the time you read this they will have made it I'm sure) are insignificant compared to skills which many of us have to work productively. But alas, there are those who can work well but they are still stupid. Maybe they will be secretaries, board chairpersons or bums. These are the people who may be well adjusted socially (too well adjusted to social gathering that they wont shut up when there are two or more of them, despite repeated reprimands, to be quite) but they are just screwed up somehow else. You won't find these kids or a March of Dimes poster, oh no. They'll be in the year book, most with the graduating class, a few not, and no one will cry for them because to the vast majority of the public (or their peers, I've only dealt with the peers) they will be perfectly average people. Sadly they are average. There are people who talk all the time and don't do their work while some people can manage the two (if you examined the quality of either one, you'd see they are not very good). Some people are slacker pariahs and don't seem to perform either task well. Then there are people who can do the school work and who do not socialize constantly. I fall into the latter category, I perform well in school (99.95 average, 23rd in the school. Taking math with seniors brought down the average) but I don't talk constantly, actually I am rather quiet. I choose being quiet until something deserves to be said than talking when nothing is said. I have friends, more than I can name (really, I'm bad with names) and I am generally liked by everyone, no kidding. I just don't find the need to talk to people constantly. Maybe I can't think of the right thing to say, or maybe I don't share a lot in common with whatever person I'm situated next to, or maybe they just have a better friend close to them (I bet it's this one). I am at school because I have to be, not because I want an education (I'm taking programming at a community college this summer so I can find some people who know the difference between C and C++, let alone have seen code). I have a dream, a vision, to create an experience. Movie, book, painting, sculpture, art, computer game, a MUD, anything that immerses people, that makes them forget, even if only for a short time, that there is a world out there where stupid people graduate, where school is Juvey Hall with more constraints and where I must waste my time, like dozens, hundreds, thousands, millions of others (none better, faster, stronger, smarter, maybe but none better, nor worse) kids whom I bear a passing resemblance to. Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Stevism and Elf-Theory
I created Stevism one day out of boredom, or possibly during a moment of glee. I cannot remember the exact circumstances of it's creation, but I do remember that it was during seventh grade that I gave a name to this underdeveloped idea of self-worship. Even today, Stevism is not fully developed, and is not seriously concerned with self-worship. For me, mentioning it is a source of humor, a half-sarcastic alternative to the toils of whatever church my present company is attached to. Beyond and extra hour on Sundays, the principles of Stevism are few. However, one particular branch of Stevism believes in the Elf-Theory of the universe. I will try to explain this theory as best I can understand it, and also tell why it is both invalid, and useless.
Elf-Theory (sic) was adopted by a sect as the explanation for the creation of the universe. Their idea is this: about five minutes ago, some elves, commonly thought to number either three, or seven, or perhaps a full dozen, created the universe, and all the creatures therein. In addition to creating the world, they set in motion all particles, and lent memories to the creatures capable of sustaining them. Many people have said "Bull sh*t, I remember stuff from a long time ago, the world wasn't made 5 minutes ago." The contend that since they remember being around 6, 10, even 100 minutes ago, the universe must be that old. However, once you start mixing logic and Elf-Theory (or any religion), you step into an intellectual no-man's land. Since the Elves instilled motion and memories to the universe, they could have created it at any time in the past, or possibly they have yet to create it. In fact, so they say, all things which we an see have happened in the past for light is not instantaneous, and even touch is an inconstant and slow moving thing compared to the omnipotent and supremely fleet-footed Elves. After hearing this, many write off Elf-Theory and its adherents as nuts, or sarcastic fools.
Another thing that frustrates most non-believers is the fact that Elf-Theory is not a true theory. To be a legitimate theory (even an incorrect theory can be elegant, and credulous) one must be able to test it. Some one once said, "explaining the unknown by means of the unobservable is always a perilous business," and a theory which is un-testable, and makes no predictions which can be validated or not, is of no scientific use. There is no scientific data that backs up ET (Elf-Theory) and one wonders how anyone would come up with such an odd idea of the universe. However, since it is not a true theory, not can it be tested, ET lives on as a monument to theocratic obstinacy. It is rather amusing, the first few times you see it anyway, to watch someone try to disprove ET. This is similar to the head in a jar theory a la the Matrix where either all of us, me personally, are just a head in a jar being given complex stimuli. This is similarly un-testable, but true in a way, stimuli is fed to the brain through nerves, we just tend not to think of our skull as some sort of laboratory jar.
Occasionally, I'll pitch ET to a group of people discussing the universe, religion, or existence, but only as a source of conflict and a way to expand thinking. Nobody should take themselves too seriously, and that is the message of Stevism.
A Word on Tetris
I believe the appeal of Tetris and techno music is the simplicity, the false simplicity, which leads to a
letting down of one's thought barriers. One tends to concentrate, or rather not to concentrate, on the Tetris or the music, or the two at once. Together, one's consciousness can be liberated so that it can perform tasks free of the body like play Tetris, or the body can do things free of the consciousness, such as play Tetris.
An interesting piece, I wrote this late one night. What I was really trying to say was this, Tetris is a simple game, arrange blocks to fill in complete rows, but the repetition of the game leads to a trance-like state. Techno music, and the trance genre too, can also lead to a sort of "trance." With Tetris, late at night, I can play surprisingly well, I'll just start brushing my teeth, turn on my Gameboy and score 200,000 points. Strategy and planning come naturally as do buttons movements. One might argue that my body moves in some sort of a learned behavior, my hands know when to move, or I can somehow will myself or the game, to play perfectly. It made sense at 12:23 am, even though it was written to be purposefully nonsensical.
School
School, that's a pressing issue. Only four days from now I'll be back in school. I'll have a different locker, and different classes, but it will be a school none the less. It's really a sad experience when you think about it. You're taking away at least ten hours a day from these young kids and forcing idiots to work on things that don't interest them at all. 20,000 hours a year, and for what? So we can finally graduate and go to college to pursue our interests as if we have any after the 4 year ordeal that is high school. Depending on how you're school district is set up, you might have junior highs and middle schools too, hell, you might have an entire freshmen class in a single building (I did). However it happens, many of us survive much worse for wear.
I recently spent two weeks with my sister's one year old daughter. It is truly amazing to see her. Constantly she is learning things. She just absorbs words, and plays with her toys. Everything is a game, everything is fun. Looking at the big picture, school is not fun. Sure, there are idiots who do not stop socializing and griping about homework, and they gain nothing from school. It's a waste of their time (so is breathing), it's a waste of people's money, and it's a waste of my time because the education systems is adjusted for them.
And what of me, is it a waste of my time? Yes, it is. The only things that school can teach me are the boring things I have no patience for. Sure I'd like to know C++, I've even bought a book. There is a lot to that language, not to mention the header files and other functions besides ANSI standard C++. You have to know API and many things to write good programs, not just MFC shit. Perhaps school could teach me that. I haven't the time nor the resources for it, and neither does my school I fear. If "Generation D" wasn't some invention of marketing, I might be proud. Yes, I am skilled with computers (PCs really), but not as skilled as I like. "Mafiaboy" might have been some dumb little kid, but he knows things. I seek knowledge. My journey may lead me to MIT or some great school like that, and I will probably have to go through many classes with many people who are not as interested or skilled as I, and they will drag me down. Public school must be designed for the public whose needs are not my own. I doubt what I need can be found in a school because I seek knowledge not found on any mainstream curriculum or syllabus.
I need a mentor, someone who would convey all that they know of computers, as much as they can tell me. I need someone to answer my questions with authority, to direct my interests and show me new areas, new interests. When my quest goes beyond their knowledge, we would learn, side-by-side. Perhaps I will find such a mentor at a public school, but I would wonder why they are there, and not in a place to make money, or produce things. Perhaps they had money, and they saw something better: a chance for someone else who shows the promise they demonstrated at a young age. Perhaps they are waiting for me somewhere along the road. Until then, I will continue my quest, under my own direction. Perhaps one day I will be waiting to meet a person like me. Perhaps I will reach the top of the hill, only to see wonderful things ahead. Perhaps.
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